Can people identify as cats? We need to promote egalitarian respect, rather than promote any hierarchies, so we cannot judge anybody for having a different way of life to us. In this post, we'll first explore the threats to our identities, look at some principles to remember and make some recommendations.
Identity Threats
Let's explore the ways in which it isn't an identify safe society.
Personal Judgements: it is currently the case that bullying and persecution are condemned but they still exist. The equalities act is designed to protect certain characteristics yet it isn't successful. It's too easy and effective to judge someone else.
Rewards and Sanctions: these can be thought of as judgements that are pre planned and publicly known. In a classroom or home, children's behaviour is influenced in this way. Laws extend this into the real world, IE parking fines. For adults, there are also more subtle or less substantial methods. Hard work is meant to be rewarded/praised. Laziness is meant to be condemned and sanctioned. These systems are usually designed to help society be the best it can be but no one knows that and birthday doesn't exist. List of crimes: sitting still, breast feeding, being married.
Systems for decision-making. Most decisions are made by small number of people who make their voices heard. People can work hard to earn "a seat at the table" by securing a position of authority or by display approved qualities. Who sets these conditions? Are they always about improving decision making or are they about improving someone's power and influence. It's terrible when this leads to a committee who always agree. Approved Ideas can't be explored and alternative viewpoints will get shut down.
Physical environment. Everyone is equal but different. However sometimes our differences are repeatedly devalued. Suppose Heiko's height is 150cm - is he tall or short? It should not matter to anyone but him. Tall can be valued highly by sports coaches but short can be valued by therapy patients who don't want to feel intimidated. Life is not all tryouts for the basketball team but it does feel like tall is more desirable. My teenage son might possibly prefer being over 6 ft to winning the lottery. Our society gives values to hundreds of these judgements and environments are designed and fixed which reinforce them. Today I put the tennis balls on top of the Y6s cupboard to keep them safe. I'm showing that height leads to power. So does strength, technological know-how, wealth. Saying "They can get assistance" is a privilege. Imagine if, by a twist of fate, your agency was limited. Would you enjoy having to ask for assistance every time?
Identity safety
I've always known that you shouldn't be mean to people - especially if people have done this a lot in the past. From Adler, I knew that we shouldn't praise or rebuke because it encourages people to seek approval rather than follow their own goals. But I was unsure about how to navigate the complex cases and stayed on the fence.
Recommendations for an Identity Safe Society
The Human Declaration: We're all human: vulnerable and imperfect, different but equal.
I often say this to parents and professionals at the start of meetings if I feel there is tension, anxiety or an imbalance of power. On one hand, I always try to make myself and my organisation look good but I don't want anyone fishing for ways to take me down a peg or two. On the other hand, it can be a hugely exposing experience to address your own vulnerabilities and, especially if I've had the conversation a dozen times, I want to throw off any superiority and face the problem with the parents as equals.
Personal Judgements: If we adopt egalitarain respect, Type 1 Judgements should disappear overnight because no one exists to fulfill our needs, all people deserve respect and no one skills intrude on another's tasks. Having the best trainers shouldn't modify that respect in the slightest. Self worth comes from within. Boasting and put downs should be seen as a cry for help that the proponent has forgotten their self worth and needs support. However it's much trickier for Type 2 Judgements, when fear plays an element.
Rewards and Sanctions: Egalitarian respect forbids rewards and sanctions. People should develop in their own way and incentives only lead them away from that, which can feel soul-crushing or just increases numbness and inferiority. Again the line of harmful acts needs to be drawn somewhere because abuse that exploits someone's lack of power cannot be allowed to happen. Currently, rewards and sanctions play a role in deterring crimes. However they ignore the underlying causes and evidence suggests deterrence does not work. In Humankind, Rutger Bregman argues the case that crimes are much less likely when people feel understood and have a place to belong. This requires a justice system that is less judgy. He holds up Norway's prison system as an example: small, community-based correctional facilities that focus on rehabilitation and reintegration into society (click here for more). If the principles were shared by schools, it would be interesting to discover how low crime could be. In 12 Rules for Life, Jordan B Peterson's first rule addresses dominance hierachies, which leads to vastly different amounts of seratonin (the security hormone) between people who feel like winners and people who feel like losers. He argues that, rather than deny the reality of hierachical respect, we should assert our place in it by "standing up straight with your shoulders back". I definitely found a boost to confidence with this method but I ended up getting too authoritarian.
Systems for Decision-Making: So we need to used democratic methods. Rebel ideas has three suggestions.
Physical Environment: So, our society could be rebuilt to make this fairer. Cars, chairs and all manner of vehicles have adjustable settings to help everyone customise their comfort. No one should have to feel like a minority or awkward or weaker.
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