Self control is surely the holy grail. "I couldn't help myself" is often the biggest barrier to achieving your dreams. When you're conscience says NO but everything else says YES - wouldn't it be incredible to have the strength to resist? Everyday we feel inferior after giving into our impulses. I want to show that we all share this on some level and there's no good in feeling worse about it.
I'm not sure why Police is in this graphic - any ideas?
What are the causes of impulses?
Every impulse is a natural drive from the Chimp part of our brains. (The Human part is the person you want to be) I've mentioned Troop and Dominance drives in earlier posts, but here's the diagram from A Path Through the Jungle:
These drives could be met in all manner of ways but humans like simplicity so we develop habits that we repeat over and over, for example:
coffee is the way to become alert
alcohol is the way to relax
biscuits are the way to feel happy
sleeping with someone is the antidote to loneliness
complaining is the way to express yourself
jokes make you popular
Why are they so strong?
It's hard to assert your Human wishes because we're playing with loaded dice. The Chimp pathway through the brain is 5 times faster than the Human one (presumably it's had 100,000+ more years of practice). It can even freeze the Human part completely if it is really stressed.
So it's important to address these behaviours and habits when you are most calm and safe. (Habit formation is a key part of the solution that I need to explore more)
Trauma
Peter Levine defines this as any stressful event that leaves a disconnect between the mind and the body (or reality).
Instead of being able to fight or fly from a problem, we were powerless and could only ensure it by freezing some part of ourselves: our senses, an organ, instincts etc. This is much more widespread than it is traditionally used and it's helpful. You don't need to have gone through hell to feel something is wrong - normal life is full of it. These pathways that are very hard to erase.
“Trauma is perhaps the most avoided, ignored, belittled, denied, misunderstood, and untreated cause of human suffering.” — Peter A Levine, PhD
What are the effects of this dependency?
Let's look at the diagram at this point.
In the Inferiority Theory, behaviours are categorised by responses to inferiority. As with other responses, the first steps are often irresistible and harmless. ("Discovering a new passion" should be on there too) I put "being self-deprecating" and "telling jokes" as two examples of behaviours that can become habitual in dealing with the setbacks, complexity and judgements of the world. They lighten the mood, break the ice and reduce expectations of perfection without harming anybody. Examples include:
I can't resist a chocolate brownie!
I'd lose my head if it wasn't screwed on properly!
Unwanted habits form when the new passion, craze or behaviour becomes automatic and unfulfilling. They still appear to fulfil a need, such as for entertainment or connection, but the amount of time they occupy is not related to how satisfying they feel. I remember getting into Box-set DVDs (Lost, Arrested Development, House etc) during my first year exams at university. I did very poorly for the first time in my life - trying to escape the stress without actually going anywhere. Some games and shows are called Escapism. Sadly, they leave you right back where you started at the end.
Overloading on enjoyable activities causes the happiness hormones (dopamine, oxytocin, seratonin and endorphins) to have diminishing effects. This diagram is from the excellent site Mind My Peelings:
So, someone who spends 8 hours a day playing video games is not usually happier than someone who plays 1 hour. In fact, expecting the hormone levels to stay constant usually leads to disappointment with any activity that isn't as predictably enjoyable. Life starts to appear grey and lifeless in comparison to your wonderful passion.
As behaviours move from a habit into an addiction, the decision pathways become increasingly difficult to change. I have no expert knowledge of how this happens yet, but the dependency is partly mental and partly physiological. Ideally, I hope we can spot our own reliance on certain actions and substances before it reaches this point. However, thousands of people have grappled with addiction and survived. Please see your GP for help if you're worried about this.
What factors exacerbate it?
In The Myth of Normal, Gabor and Daniel Mate argue that the modern world is tailored to widen the gap between our minds and reality as much as possible. There are many examples of this:
Advertising increases inferiority about normal things (body shapes, etc) and tries to convince us we should be happy, fit, popular etc and we will be by buying things from them. Not only are these arguments often untrue, ending in disappointment, they create a longing for things to be different.
Work pressures, school pressures and competitions also convey lies that if you succeed at certain things you will be happy and rewarded. We sacrifice other choices and ignore other sides of our selves (empathy, self-direction) that aren't so well incentivised.
Social media can create a fictitious version of ourselves. We do this with any story we tell, but social media often detaches us from the reality even further. Trolling, unfollowing and cancel culture warn us of the perils of getting it wrong.
Conclusion
Whilst addiction might be often connected to drugs, alcohol and food, it can be helpful to see how all of our unwanted behaviours are habits that are hard to shake. What responses are automatic for you? What actions do you almost always regret? What beliefs might reinforce those habits?
The good news is that old habits are often broken and new ones can be formed. The challenge is deciding which ones are the right (and therefore most stable) ones for you.
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