Inferiority is something I'm well-versed in but am humbly aware that I have not mastered my relationship with it. For many people, it's impossible to get through a day without negative thoughts or emotions but we don't have to go through it alone. I'm going to start this blog with an investigation into the feelings and logic behind it and introduce the Inferiority Chart.
Type 1: A drive to improve
Long, long ago, Mother Nature bestowed several gifts on all her creations and humans benefitted magnificently. We are animals... with all the needs of our crawling, flying, slimy relatives as well as a few of our own.
In "A Path Through The Jungle", Steve Peters created a course on how to use his Chimp model to build resilience and a happy lifestyle. (I talk about Chimps a lot.) He illustrates that the Chimp part of our brain has many in-built and inescapable drives: sex, dominance, eating, novelty, purposefulness. Hormones such as seratonin and endorphins are released to encourage us to fulfil them. Resisting these drives leaves us with feelings of shame, FOMO, jealousy and frustration. Some drives are easy to satisfy in the modern world (i.e. eating) but others require a lot of effort and balance to satisfy (i.e. purposefulness).
The solution to this kind of inferiority is to keep trying, growing, developing and learning important lessons to become who we're meant to be. I'm calling this Progressive Inferiority.
It's the rocket fuel inside babies that propels them to take increasing control of their limbs and larynxes to learn the skills of walking and talking.
It makes young kids want to dress like teenagers.
It makes teenagers want to be adults (see Big, Freaky Friday etc for details).
It inspires fast-footed youngsters to compete at the Olympics.
It makes interns marvel at the Senior Partners.
It pushes us to take life-changing risks, i.e. skydiving, testing wild mushrooms, flirting.
As I'm writing this blog, I'm thinking I should push myself to explore all the formatting features.
Beautifully, failing only heightens the need to improve. If we manage the feeling of inferiority properly, it drives us to try different methods and get where we want to be.
Progressive inferiority is generally a positive force that encourages us to try new things, persist through failure and become more responsible for ourselves. These all add up to a more stable, enjoyable life.
Type 2: A drive to be safe
While progressive inferiority encourages us to fulfil our drives, the second form is to curtail activities that may lead to increased pain or anguish. These feelings might include despising oneself, pessimism, anxiety, fear, low self-esteem or sadness and powerlessness. They can also cause us to chase drives that offer more instant, but temporary, gratification such as drinking alcohol, cheating on a test or insulting a friend.
The Chimp part of our brains has learnt these responses to the environment it finds itself in.
If you've been taught it's greedy to eat a whole tub of ice cream then you will feel intensely inferior after doing so.
If you believe your classmates are often cruel, then you'll have anxiety before delivering a speech in front of them.
If you saw someone praised for expensive trainers, your own cheap pair could cause feelings of shame.
These feelings are emotionally logical: they are designed to protect you from harm. They are very strong and develop very quickly, using System 1 thinking. But they are not always helpful. I call this Conservative Inferiority.
Steve Peters defines gremlins as beliefs that discourage achievement of your goals. They lead you to reject the facts in front of you, misunderstand them or distort them. Each one of them encourages you to depend on something, shrinking your Window of Tolerance and avoiding opportunities you may benefit from. Sometimes people try to exploit this feeling to manipulate you into doing what they want: respecting them, buying their product, complying with their request.
In my view, Conservative Inferiority leads towards any of the four kinds of Dependency that I'll explore in future posts.
Dependency on Others' Approval.
Dependency on Put Downs.
Dependency on Substances/Actions.
Dependency on Others' Help.
I am not against this kind of Inferiority. Everybody has it, nobody is perfect and should feel comfortable with relying on others from time to time. The point is that it needs to be managed in order to achieve the kind of life you want. Every self-help book, Disney film and story I've seen agrees on this point.
At this point, there are two special cases to mention that cannot be managed so easily:
In the case of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and other traumas, these beliefs can become so ingrained that it is very hard to change them. I need to learn a lot more about this area.
Grief and mourning is a similar state to inferiority that also causes feelings of being overwhelmed. Steve said on a podcast that the Human brain understands grief but it can take 3 months for the emotions of grief to be accepted by the Chimp brain. I have a lot to learn here as well.
The Battlefield
The two types of Inferiority can be thought of as fighting for control of your body. Progressive Inferiority (when your Human is managing your Chimp brain) is trying to reach new experiences in a land called Self-Reliance. Conservative Inferiority (when your Chimp brain is trying to protect you) aims to push back to stay in the safe zones called Dependencies. The Inferiority Theory is my attempt to support the Progressive forces so I can have a more stable, enjoyable life.
This image was created for a banner on Twitter to simplify the Inferiority Chart below:
(Note: As I was writing this, I had a third type of inferiority that was not a drive but a "tool" that we can use to encourage others to help us: "I can't do it...I always fail...No one likes me...". I realised that this is not really a distinct type but the verbal expression of Conservative Inferiority. It's like a weapon that tries to persuade us, and manipulate other people, into helping us. That's why we feel hurt, annoyed or frustrated when we hear it so often in schools. It has been labelled the Fixed Mindset. What's the verbal expression of Progressive Inferiority? Growth Mindset. Often achieved just by adding the word Yet to the complaints above. There is already a lot of writing about this elsewhere.)
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